Hello, Goodbye, & Forever
by angelwings1
Summary: [Oneshot drabbles RukiaIchigio]There was so much history made the day she entered into his world of the living, but there was more to made when he moved into her world of the dead. After all, it is said: Sooner or later, everyone dies.
1. Graveyard Shift

_**A/N: I do not own Bleach or anything of Bleach. But I'm sure you all new that already.**  
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_Hello, Goodbye, & Forever_

_By angelwings1_

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_Chapter 1 – Graveyard Shift_

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There wasn't much to call the night unnatural. There was the usual blue moonlight drifting across the yard. A gray cat was tracking a mouse through the brush and a young couple was heading towards home after a small interlude at the local diner. There even was the neighborhood dealer looking for his next stash by the bus stop. It was a scene of simple nightlife on the twinkling city's outskirts. Normality at its best.

Yet, there was something in the air that hinted towards a disturbance to that normality. Maybe it was the way a chill ran up the couple's spines hurrying their steps. Or perhaps, it was the way the cat suddenly streaked off towards her owner's house, the opposite direction the mouse was running. Either way, there was a whisper in the chilling night that made the darkness all the more black and haunting.

A silhouette shifted from behind one of the trees and the night drew in a shrill breath. The shadowed figured slowly drew towards the overhead streetlight. The flickering light washed over the petite woman's pale face and shiny black hair, catching the shine in her locks. Her indigo eyes stared pass the wire fence, looking into the enclosed yard of headstones. Her face was tight with irritation.

She was definitely not part of the scene that played in the city's night. First, her clothes were all wrong for the twenty-second century. Her black kimono and hakama were a flashback from a handful of centuries backwards. Second, she had a sword tucked in her white obi—not the standard handgun. Third, her eyes that shined bright in the dim overhead light were too sharp for a girl of fourteen. Last and most important, most people weren't able to pass through fences as if they were passing through thin air.

Rukia passed soundlessly through the rows of headstones. Her purple eyes scanned her surroundings, almost daring someone to jump out at her. There didn't appear to be anything watching her from the shadows, but she could never be sure. Besides, if she got caught off her guard she would never hear the end of it. Her background never gave her room for flaws, especially with her relations to the living world and her shiny new badge tied around her left forearm. That's why she would hurry along, finish her shift, and get back to the Soul Society before anyone noticed her little detour to the graveyard.

Reaching the stone steps that would lead to the second level of graves, the Shinigami carefully checked over her shoulder to make sure she wasn't being followed. Her eyes strayed to the couple disappearing into the nearby duplex. Her face momentarily softened before returning to its previous hardness. She bent her knees and pushed off from the concrete, soaring into the air. Her dark clothes fluttered and she looked like a bird sailing over the dozens of steps. When she lined up with the second level, her feet stretched down to hit the concrete. She took three footsteps, than repeated her previous motion of pushing off the ground and gliding over the next section of stairs. She played grasshopper all the way up to the fifth level.

When her feet landed on the second to last level, she allowed her weight to sink her back to the ground. She straightened slowly and scanned her new surroundings. The wind changed directions and blasted towards the petite teenager. Shockingly, her clothes and hair were unaffected. She scanned the row of graves, undisturbed by the breeze.

Her eyes focused on one of the headstones and immediately her feet heading down the pathway. Her fingers drifted to her sword handle as she sensed the spirit energy pulsing ahead of her. The spirit ribbon was familiar, but lately, there had been rumored hollows who had been able to copying spirit energy. Last week, a trio of lower level Shinigamis had been lured into a trap when they had been searching for a lost friend. They had been totally taken by surprised and the Soul Society had nearly lost another three students. Rukia personally didn't believe the spirit ribbon was a fake, but she didn't want to take a chance. She stayed on her toes, ready for what awaited around the hillside of stones.

Tentatively, she rounded the corner and studied the space that bore the soul signature. Her hand immediately dropped when she saw the lonely woman. The white strands streaking through her once rich, black crown and the evident wrinkles tugging at her scowling face were the visible evidence of seventy years long passed. Her sad eyes, however, spoke of something deeper than age. The way she clutched a worn black baseball cap or the way she stood so stiffly over a cluster of headstones, it all told of heartache only recently visited. No, it wasn't the setting that tipped off the shinigami who was attentive to detail. It was the fact that she knew the graves that sat in front of the elderly woman without even looking at the names carved in the stone. The spot was special to both of the women.

Rukia debated whether making herself known. She didn't want to disturb the woman's solace, but she was concerned. That's why she had crossed two cities to get to the graveyard. She knew the woman would be here, staring at the graves of her family.

Luckily, the shinigami's decision was made for her. The elderly woman head swiveled towards her and teary eyes focused on the short ebony clad soldier. There was a bit of recognition in her blurry eyes, but no warmth surfaced.

"Hi, Rukia," she mumbled dejectedly. She didn't sound happy to see her, but she also didn't sound like she was asking for the shinigami to leave.

The petite woman looked at her with a blank expression, "How are you, Karin?"

The elder's face turned back to the graves, "Lonely."

Her whimsical voice carried on the wind, sounding odd in the shinigami's ears. She shook her head to rid of the odd echo. Gradually, Rukia walked over to the woman. Karin stiffened slightly as she approached, but soon relaxed.

"You know you don't have to feel that way," Rukia reminded gently as she came alongside her. "You still get to see everyone. We haven't forgotten you."

"Being visited by someone and going visit someone are two different things," Karin replied bitterly. She shuffled nervously on her feet. "I know there are things going on that I can be a part of and I accept it. I just wish I didn't have to wait around for someone to come see me. I wish there was a way I could make the initial connection. I wish I could say 'I came by to see you', instead of waiting to hear it."

The other woman shamefully looked at her sandaled covered feet. It had been too long since her last visit. She shouldn't have waited two weeks after Yuzu's passing to check on Karin. Stupid Soul Society and it's paperwork for getting a pass to the living world. She should have done what Ichigo would have and came to see her without the proper legal documents. After all, she had broken the rules before. This should be another one of those times.

She knew she had a million excuses to explain why no one had visited her in the last weeks. Yuzu was still new to the Soul Society and learning the ropes. Isshin had tried to come by, but a low class soul didn't help getting through the red tape any faster. He had spent too long tracking down Yuzu to dedicate proper time to getting a one day pass.

And, poor Ichigio was swamped from the recent activity of the hollow faking soul ribbons. Not to forget to mention, he had been slacking in his paperwork so bad that he had an entire mountain range building inside of his office. With two captains breathing down his neck for effective results, the Captain of the Thirteen Division was having a very difficult time pulling away from the Soul Society unnoticed. Rukia haad watched helplessly as he was caught more than a dozen times with his foot halfway through the gate between realms.

Ichigio had been too stubborn to ask her to check up on his sister. He had believed his duty to see Karin first. He felt like he failed like to be the dependable older brother by sending his wife to console the lonely woman. Even so, Rukia had caught the worried glances he had given her whenever he got caught trying to see his sister. She knew the look when he wanted her to do something for him, but was too stubborn to say it. Rolling her eyes, she had silently obliged him, even though she had planned to see Karin even before he had mutely requested his wife's help.

It didn't make her feel any less guilty. Rukia couldn't even a muster a simply 'I'm sorry' because she knew it was too late. Maybe in the Soul Society she could get away with a simple apology because emotions were suppressed in the rank of Shinigamis, but in the living world things weren't so easy. Rukia knew it from her previous years of hiding out in the humans' community.

"I know there is no excuse I can give you," Rukia began gingerly. "If I was you, I would feel betrayed that no one—"

"No its okay, Rukia," Karin quickly interrupted, her tone no longer wavering. She faced her sister-in-law with a familiar expression of determination. "I understand that there is a great deal blocking everyone from coming to see me. It's a blessing in itself that I ever get to see any one of my love ones after they've passed away."

Rukia wasn't able to reply. She understood what the woman was saying, but she could tell it wasn't enough for Karin. She felt like she had been left behind. She had been the last in her family. Even her husband had passed a few years back. The only ones left were her and Yuzu's children and grandchildren. As the last one her age, Karin was feeling the press of solitude.

"Will it be soon?" Karin suddenly questioned with eyes back on the grave.

Rukia started, "When they visit? I know your husband, Jiro, was getting pretty close to getting his visitor's pass. He should be by in the next week."

"No," the woman shook her head. "When will it be my turn?"

Rukia's heart squeezed.

"When will I die?"

"You know I can't tell you," the petite soldier quietly replied. "Even we Shinigami have our limits. I only know of a few oracles in the Soul Society that can foresee anything useful. Besides, there is no way I could get away with telling you. Living in the living world and passing my powers to human is nothing in comparison of telling a human the future."

Rukia saw Karin's expression drop even lower. She exhaled deeply through her nose and added, "Even so, Karin, you should remember that the time in the living world is nothing when you have forever in the here after."

The elderly woman tensed and looked towards her dead sister-in-law. She studied her for several minutes before she spoke. "I remember that day."

Rukia was startled by the response. She blinked rapidly as a warm blush spread over her cold cheeks. A small smile pulled up the elderly woman's face, her wrinkles even more apparent. "He reminded so much like Romeo. I know it's hard to imagine Ichigio been anything close to that blubbering character, but even so, it was still amazing to hear him say he would wait for you."

A mirroring smile appeared on the other woman's face as she remembered that one fight. She had bluntly told her husband to stop pinning over her and get on with his life, especially his dating life. It had taken all her energy to tell him to act like the man he was suppose to be. She didn't want to see him with another woman on his arm. She had wanted to be at his side, but the harsh reality of his heartbeat versus her nonexistent one was hard to ignore. It was even harder to dismiss the rules of the Shinigami whenever there was an elder brother keeping watch. Yet, even when they could not deny the wall blocking their deepening relationship, Ichigio had refused to seek a substitute for her. He knew if he did, then any other chance for a relationship with her would be gone. How would he able to pursue her after death when he had his wife following him into the afterlife?

Rukia had blushed a million shades at his determination. It had been overwhelming to hear. As far as she knew, she knew of no one else in the Soul Society who had been offered such loyal devotion from a living soul. Okay, so maybe there weren't a lot of Shinigami associating with the living, but it was still an honor none the less. She thought for a time that he might not be able to endure the separation with her increasing duties to the society after she made Lieutenant, but her heart had swelled ten folds by the time he had reached fifty years old and he still hadn't gone on his first date.

"Yea," Rukia whispered, bashfully. "That was a big day for all of us."

Kira stepped closer and Rukia was forced to lift her chin to keep eye contact. The elderly woman placed a warm hand on the Shinigami's shoulder. Oddly, her hand didn't pass through the ghostly woman. Rukia knew it was because of their high spirit energy.

"Don't worry, Rukia. I'll be fine."

The grim reaper soldier replied, "Please excuse me, but I'm going to continue to worry."

Karin's smile finally reached her eyes, "Thanks anyway."

Rukia nodded and dug into her inner pocket. The elderly woman watched with curiosity as she waited. She blinked in confusing when the other woman finally pulled her hand out of her pocket and held out a small compact with a white smiling rabbit's face on the pink plastic. Karin's eyes darted between the compact and her sister-in-law. "What's this?"

"It's sort of a like a video phone to the Soul Society, complementary of Urahara," Rukia replied proudly. She stood up a little higher when she saw the woman immediately brightened. "This way, you can reach us whenever _you_ want. You don't have to wait for us to visit."

Karin eagerly took the small compact and turned it over in her wrinkled hands. Rukia waited till she opened the compact and revealed the colorful buttons on the inside cover. "Each button reaches one of our own compacts."

"Which one is which?"

Rukia's eyes twinkled mischievously, "You'll just have to find out for yourself."

Karin closed the compact and did something she rarely ever did. She stepped over the last few feet separating them and hugged the petite woman.

"Thank you," the elderly lady gushed softly, marginally tightened her hold. "You can't imagine how much I appreciate this."

Rukia gently latched her arms around her and thought back to the many years that she had been separated from Ichigio while she was held up in the Soul Society. She had gripped her own compact as if it had been her lifeline. She knew exactly what it felt to be alone in a sea of people. "Oh, I have an idea."


	2. Still Running

**_A/N: I've decided to make this post a 100 drabble challenge. For this challenge, I have uncovered a site that provides 100 different words to influence the drabbles. Five of the drabbles are writer's choice sooo chapter 1 shall be Writer's Choice._**

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_Hello, Goodbye, & Forever_

_By angelwings1_

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_Word Challenge 014: Chair_

_Chapter 2: Still Running_

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..

The next person who came into the room would be executed. She was ready for it. She had the triplet paperwork sitting on the edge of her desk. All she had to do was leap over the mountain range of other paperwork separating her from her "Go to Execution" papers. She might knock half of the mountain to the floor in the process, but it would be well worth the effort after her recent Hellish week. It had been so bad that she was deeply considering forging her own papers so she could be sent to jail, again.

Rukia bit down on her tongue to keep from cursing and grabbed another form from her desk drawer. She needed to stop day dreaming. The only way she would get any progress in her workload was by focusing completely on the irritating black letters typed across the multi-colored papers. It was her eighth day straight of paperwork and her brain cells were permanently fried. She was beginning to see a hidden code in the daily reports. Luckily, she had enough sense to dismiss the code as her imaginary. Who would put 'the strawberry is a fruit' in the middle of her report on soul traffic? What use was that?

Course, she would never admit her stamina was breaking under the pressure. No, she would press on, bite her tongue, and pretend she was able to handle the work load no matter how many people offered to help. She was not a damsel in distress. She was a lieutenant who had lost her captain.

Her pencil broke in two when a loud knock thundered from the other side of her office door. She glared furiously at the traitorous writing tool. The blood vessel above her left eye began to throb as she reached for the cup full of sharpened pencils. Her violet eyes leveled with the door. When would be the best time to schedule an execution? Was sunset too soon? Surely, she could get pass all the red tape if schedule a private killing. Either way, the person on the other side of her office's door who was **still** knocking as if she was deaf was so _dead._

She carefully reached around the stack of papers for the forms. "Enter."

It was only a small surprise who pushed open the door. Out of the fifteen billion visits she had over the past week, half of the visits had been by a single, infuriating carrot top.

"What, Ichigio?" she growled darkly as she wrapped her fists around the execution papers. She ignored the fact that she was crumpling them the forms. She was ready to just murder the idiot right in her office.

"Don't give me attitude!" he hissed back at her as he slammed the door close. Rukia's eye twitched as she watched him stomped forward. He leaned down on the edge of her desk and brought his angry face down to her level. She gave him clear warning with the dangerous look she was shooting at him, but he dared to ignore it. He cocked his eyebrow like he did when he was too confident and smug for his own good and calmly looked her square in the face. "You were supposed to be at the training yard two hours ago."

His tone was teasing out the headache that was begging to be let loose in her head. She glowered and pressed her forefingers against her temples. Slowly she rotated the pads of her fingers in a clockwise motion around the aching area and bit down harder on her tongue. Blood was going to be on the floor before he left the room. She didn't how long it would take to get the stains later out of the carpet.

"You said you would be there," he accused stonily. She looked pass his orange spikes and saw the storm in his eyes. She didn't care if there was a hurricane waiting inside him. She understood why he upset. Maybe later she would agree that he had good reason to storm into her office and yell, but at the present moment, she was a lethal lieutenant who didn't give a crap that her husband had been forced to substitute a bunch of newly inducted Shinigamis.

She gritted her teeth and pushed the crumpled ball of execution forms to the floor. Calmly, she grabbed another form and continued with her work. If she inhaled through her nose, there was a slight chance that she would able to keep her blood pressure down long enough for Ichigio to escape her wrath.

"I told you I might be there," she hissed through clenched teeth. "_I said_ there was a good chance Division Eight would throw another load of paperwork at me since there was a massacre in South Africa."

"Rukia!" he interrupted loudly, causing her to snap her pencil in half. She stared at the broken yellow object with disdain and began to count backwards. Ichigio didn't seem to notice. "I dealt with two hours of the stupidest questions—"

"If you dare compare your suffering with mine I will promptly castrate you."

He stilled when he heard her tone. There was no doubt from the sound of her voice that she was willing to knock over her week long of work in exchange for spilling his blood. Even so, his jaw locked with fury and he kept pushing the dangerous line she had drawn. "You're lieutenant! Not me!"

Rukia's eyes snapped open upon hearing the icy comment. Ichigio recoiled when he saw her violet eyes had changed to sky blue and was glowing with inner light. Her spirit force was mounting dramatically fast. The air inside the hot room began to shift. He knew she was about to explode. Seventy-three hours in one room for eight days would destroy most people's patience. Ichigio was counting on it.

"You've been here for over a week, Rukia," he stated with sudden coolness. His eyes swallowed her up. "You need a break."

He saw the punch coming. Even though he had only been in the Soul Society for three years, his abilities greatly surpassed his wife's. If his level of spirit force could be compared by tablespoons of water, he was an ocean compared to her river. So when she threw the punch at full speed, he had the chance to duck. He could have crossed half the building before her fingers could have completed a fist. That's why it was startling for her to have her fist connect with his face.

The glow in her eyes quickly dimmed as she blinked rapidly. She had expected to connect. She knew she was well out-classed by her husband. He might still be of lower rank, but there was no way to deny that he could best her in a real match.

Slowly, her hand receded from his face, a satisfying cut of red marring his pale skin. Her fist uncurled and she stared expectantly at her husband. He had succeeded in capturing her attention.

Ichigio didn't bother to brush away the blood. He didn't care about that. He cared about the exhaustion hiding in his wife's violet eyes. "You need a break, Rukia."

She pulled away and scanned her messy desk. Hastily, she found the stack and began organizing the papers in order. She quickly discovered she had already organized that stack and switched to another messier one.

"I have too much to do," she explained stonily. "These forms need to be—"

"Can be done later," he insisted softly. She turned her back to him slightly. She was uncomfortable with the way he so easily read her. It had taken years for them to grow comfortable around each other, but now with in the world of dead, he was always around. It was a wonderful thing to have him there, but at the same time he stepped right on her toes. She had no where left to hide. All the things she could pull a veil over were exposed once he had become her husband. She didn't like hiding things from him, but there were times she wished she didn't have to call on support. She didn't want to be the wimpy damsel. She was stronger than that.

"I'm the only one here who knows how to do them," she replied softly. Her eyes were cloudy as she stared at the letters on the forms. "It needs to get done."

"This is helping anyone." He walked around the desk and stepped up close to her. She could feel the heat between their two bodies, but her eyes stayed down. Ichigio scowled. "The students are talking. They want to see their Lieutenant."

"Handle them," she snapped. "I don't have time—"

"The Captains are ready to pull the seat out from under you and temporarily put Kiyone or Sentaro over the 13th Division." His voice was hard with warning.

She swallowed, "So soon? It's only been a week."

"You've been here for thirty hours straight, Rukia. You can't keep hiding." He whispered.

"Hiding?" she stated hollowly. "You use to hide."

"I don't now. Not from you." He gently lifted her chin and studied the tears sparkling in her eyes. "Please, don't hide from me."

Go back fifty or so years, and a person would wonder how words like that could escape the man's mouth. He had always been rough around the edges. Emotional things had never been his strength. At least not until, he started seeing Rukia romantically. She had tried to evade him when he had turned thirty. She had explained the rules of the spiritual world saying it was one of the greatest taboos, but he had refused to listen. He had yelled out that rules were meant to be broken. She had calmly tried to wash away the tension between them by playing the emotionless maiden. In the end, he had slipped farther into his emotions in an attempt to find her feelings for him. It had been one of the greatest dramas they had endured.

Now further up on the timeline, he was asking her to open up once more. She wanted to hide from him to save herself from revisiting the pain, but she didn't want her husband to deal with that road again. He deserved her honesty, especially when she hadn't come home in the last few nights.

"It's just so different here when someone dies," she whispered, eyes looking pass his face and off into world only she knew. "When someone dies in the living, you have an idea where they'll end up. You have ways of reconnecting with them."

Her heart squeezed. "But when they die here. We don't know what happens next. Not even the Soul Society has all the answers to the afterlife."

Her eyes refocused on his face. He was watching her closely, offering all the silent encouragement he could with his hard expression. She was grateful that she had him there. She didn't know what it would have been like if he hadn't been there to stand beside her. Even if only now she had begun to lean on his shoulders.

"I just keep thinking about where Captain Ukitake could be right now. He had barely lived here in the Soul Society and then he was just gone. I became his lieutenant several decades ago, but there was so much I didn't know about him. I didn't even see the signs that the illness had gotten worse."

Her throat grew tight as she remembered that horrible day when she had entered his office and found him unconscious across his desk. His white hair was skewed across the papers and there blood staining the wood.

Sickness was a rare thing in the afterlife. The only explanation discovered by Soul Society was that illness in the community was a result of a person's spiritual force decaying. Only a handful of people had suffered the oddity and even fewer had passed on because of it. Now her captain had become another number of an ever pressing statistic. It was fate no one deserved, especially her captain, a man who been through so much with her.

"It's my fault," she voiced the words she had been running from for the last eight days. "I should have noticed. If I was a better lieutenant—"

"No one could have known, Rukia."

"I should have," she persisted darkly. "I was by his side ever day. I talked with him. I heard him cough, but I didn't think it was life threatening. It's so hard to understand how a soul could be in danger of dying a second time."

"You're a good shinigami, Rukia. The Captains believe you deserve the seat."

She pulled her face out of his warm hand and headed for the door, "They've been wrong before."

Miles stretched between them as she reached for the door to make a clean getaway. He knew she was in a great deal of suffering, far worse than even he had dealt with back in the living world. Rukia was very proud of her place in the society and had worked extra hard ever since she had made lieutenant to prove others and herself that she was worthy of such a seat.

Renji once admitted to Ichigio that Rukia should have made lieutenant much sooner. He explained that back when they were younger, Rukia had always been better at using her spiritual force than he ever did. She had progressed through the classes faster and had rarely screwed up in training. She had been top seat throughout most of her schooling. But her adoption and Kaien's death had done a real number on her. She had practically given the seat away and only barely kept to Soul Society standards. The only reason she had stayed as a shinigami was because there were still souls out there that needed help. At least, that's what Renji had said.

"Why are you running again?" Ichigio blurted.

Rukia stopped halfway in the door. Her shoulders had gone rigid. "What?"

"You're not useless, Rukia." He soothed, stepping forward. "If that wasn't true, you know I wouldn't be here."

Her face swiveled around and stared at him with uncertainty. "I only awakened what was already there, Ichigio. You know that."

"Why won't you take freaking compliment from me," he grumbled. He stepped over to her side and towered over her. "I don't understand why you're so ready to run."

"Someone else can do my job," she whispered. "I'm not the only shinigami here worthy of this position. You could do a much better job than I could."

His eyes widened, "Rukia—"

"I'm planning to resign after my paperwork is finished."

The statement was like a blast of cold air on the perfect sunny day. He could almost imagine the rain hitting down on them. He straightened and stared down at his wife's defeated face. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I wanted you to take my place."

"Rukia."

She shoved her chin upwards to look him dead in the eyes. She was able to hold back the tears, but she didn't know how long it would be before she broke down. The long hours were beginning to hit her. "You are an amazing shinigami, Ichigio. You always have been since the day I transferred to you my powers. You went through years of training in two years and took a place in my division in less than a few months."

She inhaled deeply, "I've heard the rumors. People were beginning to wonder if you might push me out my seat."

He grabbed her shoulders frantically, "Rukia, I would never—"

Her hands covered his, stopping his protest. She smiled sadly. "I know you wouldn't. Yet, the fact remains that there is someone better for my position. This has grown more apparent with captain's passing."

"Rukia, please—"

"I'm sure they will consider you as captain and in way, I would be protected from being forced out. But I don't want it to be that way. I want to deserve my position."

He watched in disbelief as she pushed away his hands and strode quietly out of the office. As she walked out, she kept back was bone straight the entire time. He had ever urge pressing into his muscles to run after her, but he couldn't find anything to say that wasn't cliché bull. He could spout stuff about what she had done or who depended on her, but in the end he knew it would sound like he was covering up for her. She wasn't the only one who had heard the talk passing in the halls and at the meetings. He had known for a while, but he was still so new in his marriage with her that he was concerned what the topic might do to their relationship. He had been stupid and had run from the problem. Even after learning to open up to his girl, he still had issues.


	3. Timeless

_Hello, Goodbye, and Forever_

_By angelwings1_

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_Chapter 3: Timeless_

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..

They say when you die that seconds feels like hours and hours feel like days. Days become years and years become centuries. So it is no wonder that when a soul passes, the life once lived on earth is forgotten. The only remnants are the memories that slip away like water in an open palm. Many people can't remember much more than their birthday and even then that is often overlooked as the centuries turn. The first life, it is called between the dead, is lost long before a soul reaches it first hundred years.

Ichigio had learned that the day before the cancer took him. Rukia had sat by him in his last hours, preparing him for his passing. The simple question had leapt from his chapped lips in one weak moment of fear.

"Will I forget everything here?" he croaked from his hospital bed. His dull eyes stared up at the white ceiling as he listened to her shift in the chair beside him. He could feel her eyes on him, studying his pale face.

After some hesitation, she whispered, "You try not to forget. This life is your identity when you enter the realm. You think you cannot let go, but with time, your grip loosens. You begin to adjust to life. You learn to continue."

Her voice was gentle, but chilled, as if she always regretted forgetting her first life. Ichigio ached to remove the hitch in her tone.

"Then one day, you turn around and can't remember how you ever got there."

His eyes slid close and engraved her words into his mind. She said he didn't have much longer. Days she thoughts, but she couldn't be sure. He promised himself he would never forget.

Rukia had seen the way he had responded. She knew he didn't want to forget his friends or his family. She didn't know if it was possible to not loose your memories of your first life. No one had ever passed knowing they would forget. Personally, she believed that the swell of spirit particles within the Soul Society was somehow responsible for the amnesia. Perhaps, he had a chance in keeping them.

That is how she finally connected the scene of colorful round objects floating around her desk. When her eyes first saw the balloons, her feet stopped in the doorway. She was caught between the fascinations of watching the fragile objects that was rarely seen in the Soul Society and wondering why they were attach to _her_ desk.

A muffled chuckle to her right reminded her that her office was not empty. She glanced warily to her captain. He was leaning a little deeper into his papers, the smug smile unable to escape her eyes in time.

"Did you do this, Captain?" she asked mildly, still confused.

The white haired figure coughed lightly. Not the normal sick stricken cough, but a cough to hide the laughter. He picked his head up with a wry smile. "Sorry, Rukia, but it wasn't me."

Rukia fumed, "Well, why are they here?"

Utika shrugged. "It's a secret."

She raised an eyebrow in disbelief. Her captain was being more troublesome than normal. She definitely hadn't expected her day to be eventful. She had to welcome new shinigami's into the 13th division. There was a short meeting later for the lieutenants, but that was well after lunch. She crossed her arms and glowered at the balloons. Surely, she was not stupid new recruit who couldn't figure out the simple décor's purpose.

She could feel her captain's eyes on her as she marched over to her desk. When she got closer she noticed a small rectangular box wrapped in pink paper covered in Chappy. She blushed and discreetly looked at her captain through the corner of her eye. She prayed he hadn't seen the very unprofessional wrapping paper. That was not an image to be connected to a high ranking Lieutenant. Her face became hotter when saw him chuckling silently. With slight more enthusiasm then she intended Rukia yanked off the small envelope resting atop the bright yellow ribbon. Ripping it open, she silently read the scrawled writing inside.

_'I never want to forget you, midget. Happy Birthday.'_

Her blank expression didn't change as she reread the short message. She had completely forgotten the time of year. Not that it really mattered. Seasons weren't the same in the afterlife like they were in the mortal realm. Sometimes seasons would shuffle together. She was born in the autumn, but if she looked at the window it was a lazy summer day.

She glanced to the dial on the wall. The dial was covered with symbols, most of which were overlapping and shifting with the ticking seconds. There was no pendulum, but one of the letterheads would blink with the dial's heartbeat. Her violet eyes narrowed when she noted the date.

_'The date seems to hit a memory,' _she thought ideally, tracing the silly drawing on the wrapping paper with a limp finger. _'Is it already my birthday? I didn't think it was so soon after Ichigio arrived. How old am I now?'_

Her finger came to rest on the taped edge of the colored paper. Without much further contemplation, she dug her fingertip under the tight flap and ripped a long line through the top cover. She couldn't remember the last time someone had gone through the trouble of actually wrapping her gift. If anyone ever remembered her gift, they usually delivered her gift in person or left it on her desk. Most of her friends found it childish to put colorful paper over their gift so it was quite pleasant to see the bright colors, especially with her favorite character across it. No matter that her Captain was having a field day with watching her fall deeper into embarrassment.

Her embarrassment and joy soon switched into blank confusion as she pulled off the cover of her gift. Tucked away in pink tissue paper, a thick mahogany colored book stared up at her. She gently pulled out the volume and noticed the cover was blank. The oddity of the volume seemed to grow as her eyes roved over to the spine, seeing only a further lack of identity. She frowned.

Her thumb pressed under the cover's lip and flipped the nameless book open. The first thing she noticed was that the book was handwritten. The second thing she noticed was that she recognized the handwriting.

_Day one,_

_It should be April tenth if my soul had instantly passed into the Soul Society. Time runs differently here. Everything ticks very slowly and quietly. It's amazing in itself that people can even recall the hour here. _

_My last memory was me lying on a bed, watching the light of the bulb on my heart monitor flash across the blank ceiling tiles. Rukia had left me several hours ago. She said the hour was approaching, but she had been called back to duty. I held no resentment towards her absence. I knew I would see her again on the other side. _

_Though I was not bitter with her leave, I was lonely after she left. I knew an impressive amount of people on the other side, but I wondered who would be the one to help me to pass through the gate. Rukia had told me that sometimes soul would pass through the gate without ever knowing the identity of the hand that showed them the way. I promised myself as my breathing grew ragged that I would remember the person. _

_To say I was shocked might be cruel, but I __**was**__ shocked to see the face of her brother standing over me. Looking up to Byakuya, I rasped, "She sent you, didn't she?"_

_A small nod before he held out his hand. My memory is faded after that, but I don't really care. I have passed the gates multiple times in my youth and can vividly remember the flash of light followed by the long dark tunnel…_

Rukia was confused. Ichigio wrote a diary? More so, he had given her his diary as a birthday present? She glanced up from the book. She looked up fast enough to see her captain duck behind his paperwork. Did her captain know Ichigio had given her his diary?

She unconsciously flipped to the next entry.

_Day two (April 11__th_

_Things have been a bit hectic on this end. They say they processed my paperwork and immediately inducted me into the school for Shinigamis, but I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about before my passing so I might always remember who I was before this. They say your memories fade. I never want my memories to fade especially about the people who were so special. _

_I think I should start at the beginning, but I want to start a little pass my birth to the night I first met her—_

Rukia stilled. He was writing about her? Her violet eyes hastily skimmed the paragraphs. She read about their first meeting, their partnership, her execution. He wrote one entry after another about her. There would always be some mention of his family and time before the Soul Society, but he never strayed too long from retelling the timeline of their odd relationship. She had reached the entry telling of Orhime's capture by Aizen when she had realized she had wasted an entire morning of work.

Her face snapped towards the clock and gasped loudly at the time. Her captain laughed outright at her flushed embarrassment, causing her to whirl on the man.

"Captain Ukitake?" she stated firmly. "Is something funny?"

Normally, she would never raise her voice to her superior officer. She was either too intimidated or too worried about conduct to lash out. Spending several years in Ichigio's company, however, had made her angry fire up a little bit quicker these days. She often forgot she wasn't lashing out at a certain carrot top, but at another officer.

She hastily bowed at her waist, "I apologize for my comment, Captain Ukitake. I'm very sorry."

His wry chuckle only made her face hotter. "It's forgotten, Rukia. Please, don't act so formal in my presence. You have been my lieutenant for several decades and my subordinate for centuries. Let us not pretend our interaction is strictly professional."

His dark eyes studied her over the top of his paperwork. "You are like a daughter to me."

Her eyes widened as her blush subsided. Her black hair slipped over her face as she looked to the shiny wooden floor. "Thank you, Ukitake."

"Now, to get back to your previous question," he said with a sly grin. "Ichigio and I had made a bet on how long it would take you to wake up from your stupor."

Rukia's jaw dropped.

Captain Ukitake's grin widened, "I said you would figure it out before mid-dawn. He guessed mid-day. I lost."

The aged Captain assumed his lieutenant would grow as red as Lieutenant Renji Abari's hair. After all, she had been very skittish of how the officers perceived her _innocent_ relationship to the newly inducted shinigami. She had offered the vaguest answers to the women's insistent questions and she was rarely seen in the presence of Kuraski without a third party present. She was a shy officer, who wasn't quite ready to make public about the romance between her and Kuraski.

Thus, it confused the Captain to see her eyes darken and a delicate brow lift ever so slightly. He dare say he saw a smirk rise.

"Please, tell me, Captain," she asked in her overly-sweet tone, the tone he had once commented had been influenced from her time spent in the mortal world. "Would you mind telling me what the terms were for your bet?"

* * *

..

Since his arrival in the expansive school, Ichigio was having all sorts of trouble keeping a low profile. He was use to having his bright orange hair drawing attention, but having to plan a route to class to ensure punctuality was not something he had dealt with in high school. He wasn't use to the rabid attention of nameless faces and he was growing more irritated with being stonewalled from class. Sure, class wasn't the most educational because he was so advanced in most of the curriculum, but he was sick of being late to kido practice. It was the one class he was struggling in.

Today, his daily frustrations of his over enthusiastic teammates were making him horribly unsociable. He was resorting to furious glares, but soon he would be using fists. He would use kido for practice if it wasn't for his weakness in the subject. He would most likely end up blowing up something in his own face instead of in their face. He would usually ignore them, since there were too many to finish quickly, but today he was growing impatient. Not just with them, but also with the waiting for a certain midget.

The day was growing late and still she hadn't appeared. He knew she would have come regardless of her duties. He had asked Captain Ukitake to excuse her from her duties so she could enjoy a proper birthday celebration. He had even gotten the Captain to fill out the formal paperwork to excuse him from his studies so Rukia could pull him out of class. He had been hopeful she would arrive before he had started Kido Class. With class coming to a close and the sound of girlish squeals and loud cheers, Ichigio was ready to rip out his hair and go to Captain Kenpachi for a good sparring match.

The bell sounded a far more mystical sound than the one had heard back in high school. He hastily performed shudo step to escape the crowd beginning to swarm him. He had made it halfway down the hall before he felt her spirit energy flaring outside the building's main entrance. Eyes bright, he hastened to the exit.

He slid to a halt and his excited face fell. He frowned at the empty spot that had recently been warmed by the shinigami's presence. His eyes narrowed when he felt her spirit energy flare once again, just outside the school grounds. His frown slid dangerously close to a smile. _'She wants to play?'_

He heard several voices began to call his name. He quickly blinked out of sight and raced across the green grass. She had gotten faster while he had aged in the mortal realm, but he could still best her.

He arrived at the next spot to be disappointed once again. His head swiveled side to side as he tried to locate her. Another flare and he was off, his speed doubling. He didn't want to call on his banaki, but he was willing if she dared to push him.

_"Ichigo…"_

He froze, his sandaled feet sliding through the slick grass. His blue eyes shifted to the right. She stood there against the orange sky with her dark uniform blackening a silhouette against the skeleton trees. Even with the shadows creeping across her face, her violet eyes stood out like gems in coal.

She smiled softly, "How was class?"

"Sucked," he glowered, his old scowl forming. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his red hakama. "Why did you wait so long to find me?"

"I knew where you were," she stated sweetly. "You weren't going anywhere."

He glared, the vein in his forehead beginning to throb. "One missed class wouldn't have been the end of the world?"

"You need the practice," she insisted, stepping forward. "You never had to practice much when it came to your Zanpakuto, but you whine at the smallest ounce of time is used to practice something that doesn't come to you naturally. Stop being a baby."

His blue eyes lit up. "So, did you like your gift?"

A small smile. "I want to know exactly why you gave me something so…personal."

He stepped closer, shortening the small space separating them. Her violet eyes were like golden disks as they caught the setting sun. The wind shifted and it felt the spirit particles were talking to them, whispering warm words of affection. He doubted they were truly alone. Any minute now Renji, or maybe Captain Hitsugaya, would come running into view, calling out one of their names. Their time was always fleeting, teasing them as they tried to find solitude in their new arrangements within the Soul Society. With his fan club and her new duties, they could never catch a break.

His familiar scowl, tentatively turned upwards. "I wanted to never forget the person who forever changed my life."

Course, they no longer needed to fight to see each other. There was no line separating their worlds and no forbidden taboo against their relationship. They had waited, though by stubborn means in Rukia opinions and they could do more than wish things. Let them give them huge stacks of paperwork or a thousand people to barricade his way. He had always found a way. He just needed time to get there.

"I just wanted you to know."

Her face was soft, "I always knew, but I'm still happy to hear it."

* * *

_**A/N: Maybe a little weak in comparison to the first two chapters. Still I like it. REVIEW!**_


	4. Between Glass Panes

Hello, Goodbye, & Forever

By angelwings1

Chapter 4: Between Glass Panes

Very few had ever gone pass the outskirts of Soul Society. Only the strongest of Shinigamis had left the city's protection and ventured the afterlife's wilderness. No one knew, except maybe for Central 46, how far it reaches stretched. There were whispers, but no certainty. The wandering souls within the city would stare at the horizon beyond the building. Eyes wide with hearts racing, they wondered, but didn't dare investigate. They were already bound by the power of the captains to the law of the society. If they could not stand against their rule, how could the weak hope to survive the place where some of the strong did not return. Besides, the afterlife was already frightening and confusing for the newly dead. They were too dependent, emotionally and physically, on the society to embark into the edges of the spiritual realm.

He personally had never gone past the invisible line of the city. He never had a reason. When he had first entered Soul Society, it had been only to save his friend. He had only returned afterwards for similar reason of heroism. The mysterious horizon had never tempted his curiosity. It looked like any horizon he had seen back in the living realm.

Three weeks ago was when he had finally taken note of the line separating the city from the unclaimed land. He wondered what was beyond the buildings that kept the souls at bay. Hollows roamed for stragglers, he knew, but it was normally weaker masks, not Menos. It worried him that the noble families, some of the strongest Shinigamis, refused to stake homes out in the vast fields and forest beyond the city. He didn't understand what the line signified. Why did the line mark twenty miles beyond the central wall? Why did only the strong students of the academy cross the line? More importantly, why did thirteen divisions constantly need to patrol the line?

Three weeks ago, he became afraid of the line. Three weeks ago, Rukia Kuchiki crossed it. He hadn't seen her since.

For two days, he kept to his promise. He went to his classes, did his homework and chores, and attended personal lessons under Captain Ukitake. He focused on his studies and spent his free time with Renji. He didn't think about what she was doing or what dangers were lurking behind her back. The phrase 'she's the third-seat of your division' kept repeating in his head.

On day three, he broke his promise. He left the school, went to the outskirts, and toed the line. He didn't cross it, but he glared openly at the horizon. He searched the palette of earthy hues, but he didn't spot her. The sky shifted and the sun began to set. His scowl deepened when the golden belly brushed the treetops. Once the sun disappeared completely and the sky cooled to purple and blue, he became frustrated.

"She'll come," he whispered darkly. "She won't fail."

Midnight hit and Renji finally made his appearance. Ichigio's brown eyes snapped to his friend. The red head was not at all surprised to see a glare directed at him. He sauntered over, not the least bit hurried. He dragged his feet. "You didn't go to class."

"I know more than half my classmates," Ichigio retorted.

Renji shook his head. "You promised you would go to class."

Ichigio shuffled. "She promised to come back in three days."

"She _promised_ to come back with Bankai," Renji replied firmly. "She hasn't come back because she hasn't found her Bankai."

"Impossible. Rukia has been ready for Bankai back during the Winter War. She couldn't have failed."

"She hasn't failed yet. When she comes back without Bankai, then she will have failed." Renji stated wearily.

Ichigio floundered. "She had three days. Her test is over."

Renji shrugged. "Not exactly. Some tests take longer. Each test is determined by the soul of the sword. The soul of the sword is actually the judge of releasing the power from within. Each new level of power is discovered by a shinigami because the have proven to their sword that they are ready for the next level. Bankai is the highest achievement of a shinigami. It proves that the wielder and the sword are intertwined spiritually. It is not the wielder, or the Shinigamis, that determine the standards of the test. It is the sword, and each sword is different."

When he saw his friend staring at him incredulously, Renji rolled his eyes. "Okay, think about it this way. You found Bankai in three days because you had no time. You were motivated to save a love one."

Ichigio nodded silently. His eyes continued to search the deepening blackness as he listened.

"Your power flares to life when a person you want to protect is endangered. Your sword—"

"Zangetsu."

"Zangetsu knew this. He also knew you were already pushing yourself to save her, but he needed to push you even further. Time constraint was the test he decided because it gave you one shot to save her. He knew if you only had one shot then your resolve would push you over the line because of your determination to save her.

"I believe it is motivation that determines the rules of the test. I reached Bankai when I sought to save Rukia. It was motivation to save her that allowed me to take the test. For years, I had tried to take the test, but Zabimaru wouldn't let me. He kept saying that I was looking down the wrong road, but the right destination. I never understood. I despised my sword for it. When Rukia's execution was announced, everything changed. I went to Zabimaru again and he allowed me to taker it. He said I had found the road. Zab reminded me that I had always wanted power because of Byakuya."

Ichigio grunted. "Byakuya?"

Renji closed his eyes, remember the first day he had seen the noble. "He took Rukia away. He broke our friendship. He was the reason for destroying our once unshakeable bond. After he adopted Rukia, I had strove only to defeat him. I wanted to take her back.

"But with the years, I grew farther from Rukia, and I began to think of beating him for simply glory, not to save our friendship. I forgot how I had reached lieutenant or why I chose her brother's division over the other twelve. I grew cruel at heart and I lost sense. When Byakuya and I were sent to retrieve Rukia from the human world, I had lost so much by then.

"That's why Zab kept me from the test. He wanted me to remember what I was walking towards. He wanted me to remember the person who had shaped my life."

Ichigio studied his friend's profile. With every word, his chest had tightened. He knew his girlfriend connected to a lot of people. Byakuya, Kaien, Renji, Ukitake, Hisana, Orihime… There was a line of them indebted to her in some way. It made him wonder how he was fortunate enough to earn his relationship to her. He also wondered what could make him keep a place at her side.

Renji somberly opened his eyes. A flash of moonlight caught the man's face, and Ichigio thought he saw something dark enter his friend's expression. "I can't really imagine what test Rukia is going through. She was never the best in the academy, but during the time you showed up (before the Winter War) she progressed rapidly. Even with all the levels she gained, she never reached Bankai. She fought to protect everyone, but something held her back from gaining that one strength."

Renji ran his thumb along the hilt of his sword. He considered his own Bankai, remembering how it had felt to finally acquire it. "Rukia doesn't believe she can achieve Bankai. She might even feel like she doesn't deserve it."

Ichigio's scowl softened. "I thought she was past all that. She seemed to be improving. She became lieutenant."

"By Ukitake's insistence," Renji stated, surprising him. "He went against Byakuya's orders to keep Rukia out of the seat and asked her to be his lieutenant. For a decade, he asked her to take the position, but she refused time and again."

"Why?"

"Not sure. Only Ukitake knows and I've never asked him. It's hardly my place to talk to her captain when it's not my division. I asked Rukia about it. She brushed me off."

Ichigio's chest tightened again. "You think it was because of Kaien?"

Renji shrugged. "Maybe. She doesn't talk about Kaien. That could be it."

Ichigio didn't want to think of Kaien. It opened too many thoughts. "…But she eventually took Ukitake's offer. She became lieutenant and filled Kaien's empty position. Ukitake must have convinced her."

"Actually I think it was Byakuya."

"Byakuya?" Ichigio was shocked. He never dreamed the captain would ever reverse his decision to keep Rukia out of a high seat. Though reserved, the man was protective of his adopted sister.

"I'm not sure what Captain said to her, but Rukia had again refused the seat for tenth year, he called her to his office. They spoke for a close to an hour. The following morning, Rukia accepted the position."

"Strange," Ichigio mumbled. Byakuya didn't want Rukia to be lieutenant due to the mass amount of field duty. He wanted to keep her locked away in the safe walls of Soul Society. Ichigio couldn't see a reason why the captain would drastically change his decision. Soul Society had quieted since Aizen, but there was still the regular danger of hollows and Menos Noches. There were still reasons to keep her in the lower seats. What could force his hand otherwise?

Renji swiveled on his heel and gave his friend a long look. Ichigio wasn't sure what his gaze was supposed to translate, but it fell heavy on him. "There's no telling when she'll be back. Her training could take weeks, months. But I do know they both can't stay away too long. They still have duties back here."

"How long you figure…till he forces her to return?" Ichigio thought of the man who had accompanied her on his training. He didn't like her being alone with him, let alone any male. He especially didn't like how the man was able to spend this private time with her while he, her boyfriend, was forbidden to attend her training.

"In a month, there's supposed to be a meeting involving the captains and Central 46. He'll force her to come a few days before so he can prepare." Renji's voice hardened. "What I'm worried about is that she will return without Bankai. I don't know what defeat will to do to her."

Ichigio thought of her returning. He could almost see her short stature and dark hair. Then, he thought of her guilt filled eyes and how her chin would drop in shame. Renji watched Ichigio consider his next words. "She has never cared about rank, or even training, all that much. She's only trained seriously during Aizen's war, but never tried for Bankai. Taking the test now means that she's beginning to care.

"I always believed she has been strong enough to gain Bankai. Her problem is that she doesn't believe she deserves it. If she comes back without…" His voice trailed off into the cool night.

Ichigio knew exactly what words his friend was frightened to speak aloud. _'If she comes back without Bankai, then she'll believe she never deserved it…or anything.'_

[88888]

Ichigio's aching fingers tugged down on his hood. The cloak fought against him, choosing instead to bellow with the icy wind and expose his vibrant hair to the gray world. Champing his teeth, he forced it low enough to obscure his view of the road. He didn't care. The road had long since been covered by the howling blizzard. He could barely make out the line that separated the cloudy sky and the snowy ground. Instead, he focused on the spiritual ribbons burning bright red in his mind's eye.

As the wind roared in his ears and his cloak flapped almost useless behind him, the ribbon remained limp along the snowy crest. It beckoned his every step, telling him there was an end to his frustration.

Every step was a fight to keep aloft. The snow was as high as his waist and too soft for walking atop. He had to dig his way through the field. As his boots sank deep into the lower levels, his heels struggled to find stable foundation. When he was able to take a decent step forward, the wind pounded against his chest and broad shoulders, trying to tip him backwards.

Ichigio growled angrily when the snow refused to free his back heel. He tugged and felt the snow crumble. He took another step, but soon found his other foot trapped. Panting from exertion, he glared at the snow. How far had he gotten in the last hour? A mile? Half? It was probably closer to twenty yards. The procession was consuming.

_'She's dead. She's dead. She's dead. She's dead.'_ His mind chanted in rhythm of his breaths. He had been silently repeating the phrase since yesterday when he left the comfort of his bed back in Soul Society, but it had only been he had hit the blizzard did he chant the phrase with bold promise instead of initial concern.

His joints, which were full of ice splinters, groaned as he took another fumbled step. As he swayed on his pain riddled knees, the wind roared at his small success. Ichigio twisted his arm in his cloak and wrapped the cloth tighter around his body. The wind was too cold to keep out with the thin material. If he had known that he would be walking through a blizzard, he would have brought a parka. Unfortunately, his last adventurous journey had been through the hot desert of Menos Noches, and had subconsciously prepared for blistering temperature. Whenever he returned to the Society, Renji would have a field day laughing over his foolishness.

_Return._ That moment seemed forever away. Thinking about his warm dormitory suddenly made the air colder. He tightened his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering. Curse his girlfriend for hiding in a snowstorm. She must been seeking out her element.

Groaning, he leaned over and drove his free hand into the soft white. One, two, three, four, five, another step. _She's dead. She's dead. _One, two. _She's dead._ Three, four. _She's dead._ Five, another step. _She's dead. _

Something stirred on the edge of his awareness. He could feel an aura. Slowly, he straightened. He hadn't run into anything in hours. The blizzard had pushed back the hollows and trekking Shinigamis. He had been the lone wander in this frigid plane of existence. He peeked beneath the lip of his hood. There was another shift of power across the field. Ichigio struggled to pinpoint the source. It was hard to concentrate in the bad weather.

Ichigio unconsciously settled down onto his knees within the drift. Leveling his eyes with the top of the snow bank, his shoulders dropped out of rushing air. His body reveled in the sudden warmth of his ditch. It wasn't a furnace, but there was definite warmth from escaping the wind. He pressed his chest into the wall in front of him, trying to hide even more. He had vaguely remembered a tidbit about sled dogs burying themselves at night in the snow to keep warm. Though a cold element, the snow acted as a buffer from the windshield factor. He wrapped his cloak around his legs. Once settled, he peeked over the top of the snow.

It wasn't long before the aura brushed his mind again. Ichigio straighten. The source was clearer then before in his head. He could almost see a faint pink glow coming from the west. Getting out of the cold had helped. Ichigio smirked, pleased with himself. Soon, however, the smirk dropped as he watched the pink glow grow a rich red. It wasn't his resourcefulness that had helped. The person was getting closer. They were heading straight for him.

They were still a good ways off, but Ichigio reached for his sword. He couldn't be sure if the aura was friendly or not. It was red so it was a shinigami, but years of fighting had made him careful. His numb fingers barely registered the texture of his cloth wrapped hilt.

His eyes carefully adjusted his vision and the aura faded against the whirling gray and white backdrop to reveal a black smudge. His brown eyes narrowed, watching the smudge shift and take shape. Ichigio soon distinguished white hair from whirling snow. Ichigio grinned. He had found them, or at least, her instructor.

Ichigio didn't rise from his ditch. By the direction he was headed, Ichigio knew the captain had already discovered his location. He decided it would be better to stay in the snow and offer the man the warmth of his ditch.

Ichigio frowned when he realized the man wasn't digging his way through the snow. He was easily walking across the surface as if the drifts were thick asphalt.

Ichigio grumbled a cruse. He had been digging for hours while the man had crossed ten times his distance in mere minutes. Upon reaching him, the captain's cool eyes met the younger shinigami's brown ones. Ichigio nodded. The captain knew why he was there. Everyone back in the city probably knew why he was crossing frozen wasteland. He didn't have to explain his purpose.

Hitsugaya jumped down in the ditch. Shifting his thick cloak, the captain settled against the wall of ice and faced his audience.

"You can't see her," the man curtly said.

Ichigio's anger immediately flared. He hadn't walked dozen of miles through snow and ice to be turned away. "I'm not leaving until I do."

Hitsugaya wasn't surprise by the response. "It is vital her training is undisturbed. She can't accept visitors."

"It's been five weeks. What sort of training takes that long? I've never heard of Bankai taking that long." Ichigio growled. A blast of wind roared overhead, coursing through his messy orange locks. Ichigio hastily pulled his hood back over his crown.

"Bankai is different for everyone," the captain replied calmly. "The training will continue until I see fit to dissolve the test. Until such a time, there will be no visitation."

Ichigio tried to push down his temper. "Are you kidding? She's been going at it for 38 days straight. She's got to be out of gas. Continuing to push her training won't prove any progress. She'll only digress from here on out."

"Her training will not be interrupt. Go back home, Kurosaki."

"No," Ichigio snapped. "You're pushing her too hard. She needs time to breath. Let her take the test again later. Give her some time to recuperate and I bet she win Bankai in mere days."

"No, Kurosaki. The test will continue." His tone was unyielding. He went to rise, but Ichigio grabbed his wrist stopped the man. Toshiro's turquoise eyes glared down at him. He was a captain not to be disrespected by a third seat. "Let go of me, Ichigio. You may have killed Aizen, but you will not move me on this decision."

Ichigio bared his teeth, half in fury and half in attempt to keep them from chattering. "I'm not leaving her under your insane regime. I'm taking her home."

"You baka!" Toshiro shouted. The wind stole some of the force from his voice, but his cry rang loud in Ichigio's face. "Kuchiki won't leave even if you demand it. She is stubborn as you! She won't leave until she has Bankai. She won't face her division without Bankai after she's been away so long."

"Bankai isn't important!" Ichigio yelled back. "She's as strong as any Captain. She doesn't need it."

"She believes she does," Shiro argued. "She has been ruthless in her training. Since day one, she has done nothing, but focused on her goal. Until she decides to quit, I will not end the test."

Ichigio couldn't believe what he was hearing. The captain was actually going to push her even longer. Five weeks was surely long enough. "Let me talk to her. Just for a moment. Then, you can go back to test and I'll return home."

"That's unacceptable."

Ichigio lit up. "Unacceptable?! I'm only asking for a few minutes."

"It is not my decision, Kuraski."

The fire that had flared in his breast abruptly died. Ichigio stared incredulously at the captain. He hadn't expected the answer he had heard. "What are you saying? Rukia is the one…"

He trailed off already knowing the answer. Of course, Rukia wouldn't leave. She would never return after five weeks empty handed. She already bore enough shame. She would be able to bear coming back to her division after such a long period without success. She wouldn't be able to look her squad in the eye.

"I tried to make her leave a week ago. I had to return for the Captain's meeting. I told her that she had until the evening before. She tried, but she didn't win Bankai. When I tried to leave, she refused to join me. She told me she would stay behind and continue to train with or without me." Torshiro looked away. "I didn't dare leave her in the horrible state she was in. She would have surely over exhaust herself while I was away. I couldn't be sure if she would be alive by the time I returned."

He sighed heavily. His breathed crystallized in midair and crackled to ground in small chunks of ice. Ichigio ignored it. Toshiro shook his head, "She won't be moved. I promise you, Kuraski. I've tried."

Ichigio sank to the ground. He could see her in his mind. He could see her practicing her sword. He could see blisters burning on her hands and her dark bangs matted against her brow. Her movement was jerky, weary. Her clothes were tattered and stained. He watched her lower the worn blade. She tipped her head back and released a long sigh. With eyes closed, she basked in the racing wind, letting the cold wrap around her. The wind tugged at her, begging her to let it take her. The blizzard grew thick and whirled around her limp body. She didn't fight it. She let the snow hid her. Then, she was gone.

Ichigio swallowed. She was going to kill herself. "How's her training?"

"Rough," Toshiro admitted. His eyes were thoughtful. "I've never seen a test quite like hers. I've especially not seen one that's lasted this long."

Ichigio's chest grew tight. He desperately wanted to know what she was facing. He thought back to his test and remembered the frustration and waning stamina. He had endured three days and he had been near death. He couldn't begin to understand what was happening to her. "What is it?"

Toshiro abruptly stood. The wind ripped the hood off his head, tangling his white hair. He looked towards some unnamed point in the distance, probably in the direction Rukia was training. Without a word, the captain leapt onto the plain of ice and began walking towards her.

Ichigio hastily followed him, but his heavy body sank into the soft drifts. Ichigio cursed loudly and angrily tore at the constricting snow. Toshiro turned and watched him claw the ground. Deciding it was futile to try to clear the way, the third seat shinigami glared up at him. "You can't just leave!"

Toshiro gave a small smirk. "Technically, I can."

"I came all this way!" Ichigio yelled. The cold air hit his lungs like needles, but he angrily ignored the pain. "I've spent over a week looking for you."

Toshiro frowned. "No one told you to come, Ichigio. I believe Kuchiki made you promise not to follow her."

Ichigio gritted his teeth, ignoring the jab. "She knows I don't keep stupid promises."

The captain nodded before turning away and resuming his trek back towards his camp. Ichigio almost didn't hear it, but he couldn't be sure if did hear correctly. He thought he heard the captain say before he disappeared in the whirling white, "She knew you would come. That's why she sent me to stop you."


	5. The White Sleeve

Hello, Goodbye, & Forever

By angelwings1

Chapter 5: The White Sleeve

_Soul Burial, the heavenly ritual of Shinigamis helping souls to the afterlife, does more than carry souls into immortality. When Soul Burial is performed, the soul is transformed. First, it is formed into fibers of blue light and sped through a black tunnel known as a gate. Once inside, the light is fractured and becomes a million comets. Brilliant and fast, the comets appeared to be pure white ribbons streaking across a black sky. The tunnel lasts only seconds. The soul never knows the gate and upon opening their eyes to their first sight of Soul Society, they are never told about their trip. They wake up and are immediately introduced to an entryway filled with welcomes. Their new life is explained, but never the tunnel. _

_The tunnel is important, but not because it carries the soul to the afterlife. Its importance lies within the fracture of light. The fracture is caused by a filter. The filter, called by the dead as Judgment, takes the light and carefully weaves the light into a new form for the soul. This new forms looks identical to the soul previous form except for one vital piece. The Judgment takes away a chunk of light and creates a second form next to the first. The second form is called a Zanpakuto. _

_A Zanpakuto is the truth hidden within the soul. It is not the truth of life, but the truth of the soul's life. Judgment takes the deepest, most hidden part of the soul and mirrors it inside a blade. The piece of soul manifests into the raw heart of the person who has died. Sometimes the piece is a warrior. Sometimes it is a coward. Sometimes it is a beauty. Sometimes a killer. Sometimes a sneak. Whatever the heart, the Zanpakuto becomes and slowly builds into its own being. _

_When the soul and Zanpakuto reach the other side of the tunnel, they are separated. The blade, a sealed piece of soul, is carried away to a sacred place that only the Shinigami are allowed admittance. There the blade waits, imprisoned in the confines of its silent form. It waits for its keeper, promising to yield all it has to him or her in exchange to reunite with the rest of its soul. _

_Rukia had never known this tale when she had been introduced to her Zanpakuto. After she had finished her studies at the academy, she had entered the Sacred Tower. It a wondrous place beneath the very place she had been condemned during her pending execution. It uses its walls to block out the flow power between the wandering souls and Zanpakutos. She timidly entered the tower and gasped at the spiraling upward display of hilts. The tower keeper instructed her to carefully pick her sword. Only one blade was to be hers and she was to pick something that could be her partner. They said she would know which blade, leaving all further explanation to mysterious silence. _

_The first day of training under Toshiro had begun with the explanation of Soul Burial. He had given her thorough details of the tunnel and the creation of Zanpakutos. She had been perplexed and stared carefully at her silent blade. Inwardly, she knew his story was true, and she found renewed favor for her beautiful sword. _

_Then, Toshiro had taken her blade and stood in the center of white dusted field. Yelling out an enchantment, he stabbed the frozen ground and the sword released. Her Zanpakuto, Sode no Shirayuki, spilled out from the blade. Toshiro fell back as frost bellowed outwards. Rukia remained stony and straight as she watched her Zanpakuto and dearest partner approach. _

_Sode no Shirayuki was a petite girl embodied in brilliant white. From her luxurious kimono to her lengthy, straight hair, she bore no color. Not even her skin held any rose to indicate the life pumping through her body. Instead, the only color present in ghostly appearance was the translucent indigo that filled her eyes. The blue was hauntingly stark against her pearly cheeks. She easily could be mistaken for a Geisha of Japan. _

_Her clothes were equally mystifying. Long ribbons were stitched throughout her kimono. Their tails whispered across the floor. A dozen more hung down from her small wrists and ankles or intertwined with her hair. They were various lengths, swaying and curling. The slightest movement caused a dancing flow around her body, making her appear like rolling waves. She was, in a word, ethereal._

_Rukia quietly waited as Shira took the last steps towards hers. The ribbons rolled softly behind her. "Are you ready?"_

_Her voice was songlike, stirring up something in the short shinigami's chest. Hesitating for a split second, Rukia nodded. Shirayuki cocked her head to one side and her ribbons spilled across her shoulder. Her bluish eyes pierced her to the heart. "Are you sure?"_

_"Yes." Rukia wished her voice hadn't wavered. Even with the wind whipping around them, it could not hide the vulnerability in her tone. Unconsciously, she dropped her eyes, feeling the rush of shame. All the doubts she had been trying to hold back for the last week had returned. She felt horribly small under Shirayuki's gaze. Remembering the captain standing behind her, watching the exchange, brought on a new rush of embarrassment. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she should never have sought to take the test. _

_Rukia stiffened when a pair of frigid hands cupped her cheeks. Slowly, her face was lifted and her gaze returned to the indigo of Shira's eyes. Rukia never realized Shirayuki's body was so cold. Goosebumps were quickly covering Rukia's body. Shira smiled, but it did not light her face. It was sorrowful. "I promised you, many years ago, that I would never fight against you. I knew then that you needed me more than ever to be by your side because you had lost everyone had been there before."_

_Rukia instantly thought of Renji, Hisana, Byakuya, her childhood. The small recall of those tragic times brought a prickle of tears. Shira's hand tightened on the shinigami's face. "We both knew there was only one exception to this promise."_

_It was this test. In this test, they would be mortal enemies. There was no sympathy or hesitation, only brutal reaction. She would have to be on her toes. It was not uncommon for the candidates to suffer severe trauma._

_"I know," Rukia whispered. Her hands were trembling at her side. _

_Shira brushed her lips across the shinigami's brow and whispered a broken, "Forgive me."_

_Abruptly, her hands disappeared from Rukia's cheeks. The shinigami blinked rapidly in surprise as her Zanpakuto stood several feet away, eyes stony. _

_"Here are my rules," Shirayuki proclaimed evenly. "The test has no time limit—"_

_"No time limit?" Rukia mumbled. _

_"No time limit?" Toshiro snapped loudly. Rukia, having momentarily forgotten of the captain's presence behind her, jumped at the sound of his rough voice. "I've never heard of such a thing."_

_Though Shira was only visible to Rukia, she threw an angry glare in his direction. "The test is mine to give and mine to design. It has no time limit and shall be contained within this field. Your objective is to answer one question."_

_Rukia frowned, "One question? I thought this was a fight."_

_"Yes, this is a fight. But it doesn't end when you cut me down. It ends when you can answer the question or when you give up."_

_Rukia could only stare at her. She couldn't fathom what Shira was thinking with such a test, but she deathly afraid of what questions she would be asked. If this test was to challenge the soul, then there was an array of horrible questions coming to her mind. _

_Her mind instantly shifted away from worry to immediate attention as Shira's took hold of a ribbon, one hanging from her wrist. In one tug, the ribbon tore from the slim appendage. She swept back her hand, trailing the ribbon in a white streak. Rukia had seen the action once before and knew what it meant. In a blink, the ribbon melted into a crisp blade. Past the shine of the razor edge, twin icy orbs glared back at the stiff shinigami. "The question is 'why do you want Bankai?'"_

_Rukia's mouth fell open. Then, the world exploded into an icy prism. _

[888888]

It was hard to describe the playing field. When Shira had released her powers, the earth had split and cold spears tore through the broken brown. The frozen crystal swelled from the heart in forms of boulders, knives, and caverns. Their twisted bodies spread in a three mile diameter and transformed into a twisting labyrinth of caverns, overhead bridges and stairways. Rukia stood in the heart unable to believe she was staring at the treacherous display.

That had been weeks ago. Rukia had never dream of the days that had followed. She had expected the intense fighting, the blood, and exhaustion. The inner turmoil of the simple question had never been considered. It was a simple question, easily answered. When she heard the question, she had been filled with joy. She had fully believed she would finish the test by sundown. What Shirayuki had failed to explain was that she wouldn't accept just any good sounding answer. Shira wanted the absolute truth. The torturous problem of this was that Rukia didn't know the answer. She thought she did. She had immediately shouted out the answer the first time she had found Shira amongst the icy maze. Shira had immediately dismissed the answer and sliced Rukia's thigh wide open. Rukia had immediately plunged into the depths of Shira's frozen world, to hide and regroup.

At present, Rukia meagerly survived each day. Rukia heaved her weak form against the nearest wall. She didn't mind the brittle ice tore more of her tattered clothes. She preferred escaping for a few minutes in exchange for already ruined attire. Her violet eyes rested on a small crevice between two walls. She pressed her hand against her bandaged thigh and dragged her battered form to her salvation. She only needed to hold out for a few more hours and then dusk would hit.

Rukia could not see the sun or the moon with the heavy walls blocking her view of the sky, but the change of colors allowed her to estimate the time. When the ice would soak up rosy purples, she knew it was sunset. Oranges and gold signaled the sunrise while bright blues told the daytime. Night was easily recognized with the black shadows.

Unfortunately, the last week had been void of colors and the weather had grown harsh. All she could see was darkness, gray, or snow. There was no rose or ginger to uplift her spirit, only a canvas of harsh lines and dead color. She wandered aimlessly in the melancholy prison battered by the hard wind.

A steady stream of footsteps heading her way immediately alerted Rukia that she had survived another day. She slid down the wall with a relieved sigh, ignoring how her bloody clothe squished under her. She had survived day numbered forty-two. Her head lolled in the direction of the footsteps. She half-smiled when the figure graced her sight and knelt beside her.

"How's the leg?" Toshiro asked, eyes automatically on the very first injury Shira had cursed her. "Still limping?"

Rukia nodded. Her hand clenched the scarred appendage. The injury had been deep and had cut straight into her muscles. Shira had been serious when she had proclaimed no mercy in her test. Rukia had stitched the wound the first night, but the lack of bed rest the following days had put a permanent limp into her step. Rukia scorned it everyday. She couldn't believe how foolish she had been in receiving her new handicap. If she had been more prepared, she would have escaped Shira's attack. Instead, she would be one of the rare few to wear her mortality in broken form. She would forever be a tarnished soldier.

"Stop fretting over it." The captain instructed darkly. "You can't let yourself be distracted by this. Of all times, not now!"

"I'm sorry, Captain Hitsugaya," She replied weakly. She bowed her head, feeling immediate shame. For weeks, he had told her the same thing, but still she dwelt on her leg. She couldn't get past its weakness.

Toshiro hesitated when he saw her lack of fire. Silently, he pulled out his satchel. Rukia's glazed eyes watched expectantly, her mouth watering. Tonight, he offered her a sandwich and she gazed at its thick, sloppy mass excitedly. She mumbled her usually thanks and fumbled to grasp it. As she ate, Toshiro worked on bandaging her new wounds of the day. That was their ritual. He would come feed her, bandage her, and give her counsel every night before she knocked off. Rukia choked when he tied a particular bandage a little too tight for comfort. She hastily spat out a chunk of bread. Blushing, she diverted her eyes from the man as he observed her pained expression. "I'm sorry, sir."

Toshiro studied her. "There's no need, Kuchiki. I should be apologizing to you. Your body has endured much these weeks. I should be more considerate."

Her heart softened at his words. She had known the captain for some time to be rough around the edges. He was the silent type. He was a man of few words and even less expressive of his own inner workings. Yet, she had discovered in her short training and her recent test, that he harbored a gentle nature. In a way, he was an opposite of her captain, a man who was always open and endearing, but still held an iron fist. Toshiro's words made her instantly think of him. "Thank you."

Toshiro curtly nodded and made himself comfortable on the ground. Relieving his shoulders of his thick cape, he handed over the garment. She quickly wrapped it around her body and whispered another gracious thanks.

He frowned at her complexion. Her skin had turned a sickening ashy color with black circles under her eyes. A purple bruise lined one side of her face and she had nasty split lip. He was unhappy to think that he was only looking at her face. The rest of her body was even worse off with numerous lacerations and blackened flesh. From the hard way she was breathing, he guessed she also had a broken rib. He could only hope her opponent was faring similar injuries. "What answers did you give her today?"

Rukia shook her head. "Nothing of consequence. I've given up talking to her. She won't answer any of my questions and nothing I give her returns any hints. She's a blank wall."

The shinigami let out a ragged breath and allowed her eyes to slide close. _'Why do I want Bankai?'_

It seemed simple. _To gain power. To become better. To protect my love ones. To protect Soul Society. To win. To live. To…_ And yet every answer had fallen short of Sode no Shirayuki's expectations, and she had retaliated with fiercer strikes after every answer. Rukia has lost sense of what she was searching for after a week of frantic attempts. She could no longer find an answer she hadn't tried.

But she refused to let go just yet. She had survived this long. She knew she was on a dangerous brink, but she hung onto the edge. She kept telling herself, _'Tomorrow I'll know. Tomorrow.'_

She didn't dare consider about how tomorrow could run its course in the same path of today. She couldn't think beyond or else she would lose that last thread she was hanging from.

"Sleep, Kuchiki. You need it." His rough voice whispered.

She didn't respond. She was already too deep to give an answer.

[888888]

Rukia's eyes darted back and forth as she carefully walked up the jagged stairs. Her sandals slid precariously on the ice, tempting her closer to the edge. Rukia had kept away from the stairs mainly because they appeared dangerous. Now, as she treaded up their height, she knew she was right to avoid them. The main reason, she conceded to their path was because she needed a better view of the labyrinth. She wanted a better idea of the surroundings. Shira had a major advantage because she knew every nook and cranny of the playing field. She had, more than five times, run Rukia into a dangerous corner and ripped into her. Rukia knew if this continued she wouldn't survive another week. She needed to find escape routes and hiding spots. She knew coming up from the labyrinth could make her an easy target, but she had to take the risk. She needed to cut down her opponent's advantage.

Gingerly, she dared to go higher, reaching the narrow bridge hanging over the razor walls. The width was only two feet and slick. She had made it this far, but that was her limit. She couldn't go out and get stuck on the ledge. Shira could easily break the bridge with one of her smaller attacks and Rukia's body would be torn to shreds by the peaks of the lower walls.

Rukia scanned the canyon's fissures, hastily putting it to memory. She had only delicate minutes before she was spotted. Rukia followed a particularly wide break in the walls and thought she spotted an open space larger than any portion within the field. Her eyes narrowed, thinking they saw a flash of color within the center. Movement to her left immediately broke her gaze. She whipped around so fast she nearly flew off the edge of the stairs. Hastily catching herself before she fell over the edge, she slammed into the blunt steps, knocking her bad side. She gasped loudly, clutching her ribcage. She surely added a fracture to her battered list. Another closer flurry of movement sent her stumbling down the stairway.

_'Run! Run!'_ her mind shouted. Her heels slipped off the third to the last step and she fell into a heap at the bottom. Her bad leg clambered to get under her, but it kept buckling. Rukia spotted white on the other side of a thin wall. Stomach dropping, she ran down the nearest path.

Rukia instantly cursed herself for choosing the path without considering her newly learned map. She was running towards a dead end. _'Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.'_

She could hear feet closing behind her. Rukia clenched her teeth. "White fire crash down."

Her hand shot back, throwing a bluish fire straight at her opponent. There was a grunt and the blue flashed across the translucent walls. Rukia knew her kido wouldn't stop her, but she had hoped it would slow her down. From the sound of her feet, it hadn't.

Rukia saw the wall shoot into a vertical climb. She was definitely heading into a bad situation. She scanned through her options. Rounding the corner, her mind stilled. She had hit the end of the line.

Swallowing her fear, she continued to push headlong at the wall. She watched her reflection grow larger upon her approach. One, two, she jumped straight at it. Twisting in midair, she brought both her feet to meet the large obstruction. Slowly her knees bent, her reflection sinking closer. She caught a glance of her opponent in the icy mirror and saw her halt. With one hard push, Rukia threw back her head and shot straight at her. Her sword was already up.

Their blades crashed together in a thunderous clap. The sudden stop jarred Rukia's body. Her joints pinched down on her nerves, sending painful waves down her spine. Rukia twisted against the pain, forcing her body to land upright. She couldn't let herself fall on her back. As she fell, her weight against her blade lessened. Her opponent used her lacking balance as leverage and shoved her backward. Rukia flew right off her heels and slam back into the wall. The wind rushed from her lungs.

Rukia watched her rush forward, blade high. Rukia didn't try to meet it. She instead allowed her body to fold and stoop beneath the attack. She heard the blade clang against the ice. Rukia used her dead weight to roll her forward, ducking under the woman's elbow. As she fell, she saw the other woman twist, following her. She saw the floor, the wall, and then the sky. With one frantic drive of energy, she threw up her sword and blocked the blade crashing down at her face. A foot planted at either side of her waist and soon Rukia was staring up into identical violet eyes.

Two Rukia Kuchiki's glared at one another, their sword scrapping for dominant. Rukia unconsciously glanced down at the streaming white haori her double wore. It made her stomach clench every time she saw it. Rukia focused back on the other woman's face and glared up into a mirror.

The first day she had faced the double, Rukia thought she had been staring at a mirror. Then, the mirror had rushed forward and Rukia was sporting a bloody arm. Why Shira had created the image of her as a Captain she couldn't be sure. Rukia guessed it was her version of a trophy, showing her what she could win. However, the more Rukia faced her double, the emptier she felt. She was only narrowly escaping her attacks. She was bloodied after each round and was ready to collapse at dusk. She would look into her twin's eyes and see disgust for her weakness. Add the constant insults and Rukia was beginning to believe her twin was more of impossibility than a hope.

Rukia had never been a warrior that shone in a crowd. She was mediocre at best and easily overlooked. It was why she had never considered a need for seated position within her division. A number of shinigami had tried to take her under their wings, but there efforts hadn't revealed any secret power she was holding back. It was only during the time of her impending execution she had gained attention, and then, she hadn't been acknowledged for power, but disgrace.

She didn't mind. She had never cared to be number one. She couldn't even remember why she had gone into the academy. All she had really wanted was not to be alone, but the school had only brought loneliness. She had missed Renji. She had wanted her brother to look at her. She had wanted Kaien to be hers. Those were her wants.

_Shira was right. I don't want Bankai for power._

"Your strength is waning," the captain hissed through clenched teeth.

To prove her point, she pressed down on her sword. Rukia grimaced, the back of her blade hovering over her nose. "Right back at you."

Planting her elbows against the ground, she twisted her lower half. She jammed her foot into the inside of the other's knee. It didn't knock the captain off her feet, but it did disturb the pressure on the blades. Rukia felt the weight shift down towards her hilt. Another twist and the double's sword raced down the length of hers. Rukia immediately stole her chance and knocked aside her sword. The captain stumbled backwards, struggling for footing. Rukia rolled to her knees and took off. In the corner of her eye, she saw the captain's reflection. She was already up and nipping at her heels.

"White Fire Crash Down!"

Rukia dodged. The bluish white attack brushed past her shoulder and crashed into the wall. The ice shattered, falling all around her. Rukia didn't slow down as the shards fell. Their sharp edges shredded the back of her shirt and ripped across her arms. One barely missed her toe. Rukia danced through them, doing her best to ignore each painful cut.

When she finally passed through the curtain of broken ice, a hard force plowed into her back. Crying out, she went head first into the opposite wall. She threw up her arms, trying to stop her face from crashing into the ice, but she was too late. Rukia slumped against the wall, blood pouring from her broken nose. Her double stared coldly at her. "Is the question too hard for you, Rukia? Should we change the question? Tell me, why _don't_ you want Bankai?"

"I want it," Rukia growled lowly. She brushed some of the blood away with the back of her hand. "I'm still here aren't I?"

The Captain Kuchiki shrugged. "Doesn't explain why you can't answer the initial question. Why do keep giving us lies? What are so afraid of?"

Rukia's eyes were squeezed shut as she endured painful spasms. "I'm not afraid."

"Fear is impossible to escape. You may not be afraid of death, but you are afraid. I can see it."

"I'm not afraid!" Rukia whispered. She pushed off the wall, blade ready. "I'm still here."

The captain circled her. The heavy steps screamed confidence and strength, everything Rukia was presently lacking. Her lips curled back in an angry grimace. "They say actions speak louder than words, but right now your actions are adding to the lies."

Rukia shuffled backwards down the wall's length. She didn't want her getting too close. The captain's eyes flashed. "You're afraid right now. Not of death, but leaving empty. You don't want to face your division without Bankai. You would rather die than go back to your brother without it. Even Ichigio."

"Of course," Rukia hissed through her clenched teeth. Her palms were sweaty around the hilt of her sword. "I've been here for too long as it is. Going back without it after now would be only further disgrace."

"Well, you did come knowing you weren't ready for Bankai."

Rukia inhaled sharply. The captain smirked when she heard it. Somehow the smirk looked that much darker coming from _her_ face. "Ah, so I'm right. You came thinking you weren't ready."

"Brother told me I was. He said I was always ready." Rukia countered feebly.

"So you were a good sister and followed his orders to take the test. You made a promise to come back with Bankai, but you had doubts so you called on Captain Hitsugaya to train you." Rukia remained silent, eyes betraying her. Her twin stepped forward again and Rukia stepped backwards. "But now five weeks into the test, you are back to believing you weren't ready. You're ready to quit. You are a soldier who knows when its time to retreat. You have no problem turning tail and returning another day, but to leave… You've been a shinigami for centuries. Renji blew pass you long ago and several other shinigamis who graduated with you. Then, there's Ichigio who was mortal and surpassed you in a mere week."

"I don't care about that," Rukia replied tightly.

"I beg to differ," the captain rushed out. "You care about your strength in regards to other's perspective about you. You are afraid of being as worthless as they deem you. Trash, useless, a burden, traitor, that's what you fear."

"No!" Rukia interrupted loudly. "I could care less about what people think of me. I've learned. I'm not worth what someone thinks."

"Then, it's you who thinks you are worthless!" Rukia flinched, the words striking home. The captain eclipsed the rising daylight, her face becoming shrouded in darkness. "How much of a martyr can you be, Rukia?"

Rukia's eyes hardened. She forced her anger forward. She couldn't let her shame take over. It wasn't usable in a fight, only her hot passion. "Why don't you shut up?"

She whipped her blade to the side and struck the wall. The captain's face snapped towards the shattering edifice, watching the ice fracture into dangerous shards. She hastily jumped back and let the fragments land between them. Through the razor curtain, she saw her target disappearing around a corner.

Rukia hastily ducked down a new path. She had wanted to stay and fight, but her double's words had shaken her nerves. Old guilt constricted her heart as she pumped her legs. She kept thinking of all her wrongs. Those horrible insults her twin had spewed seemed fitting for her. She turned left and forced her injured leg to pump harder. She had to escape these thoughts. They wouldn't help her with the test and they were only becoming a distraction. Daylight flashed across the surface of ice, causing dim stars to dance across her eyes. She was racing through the gray, its muteness seeping into her heart. Her determination was quickly slipping. She couldn't remember what had kept her pushing forward.

Suddenly, she couldn't remember why she was running. Her legs just continued to pump back and forth. The world was muffled in her ears. The slaps of her feet were low and far away. A dark voice whispered her to stop, to take a moment and rest. She turned onto a new path, but she wasn't sure where she was going. She followed some unknown way, too lost in her own wandering thoughts. Her chest felt so heavy.

The halls passed her one by one, unseen. Though her lungs were aching, she pressed harder. She was becoming numb to it. She wanted to feel the ache in her thigh and the stab in her side. She wanted to feel the blood pumping and know she was alive. She wanted to be alive.

As she turned a corner, the walls fell away and she stepped into an open yard. Her feet stopped instantly. Her eyes were frozen on the edifice in the yard's center. There was no mistaking the likeness, but she knew it couldn't be him. His body had been destroyed years ago by orders of Central 46. Rukia told herself it was another image Shiro had created, but Rukia was pulled to the sight of Kaien's dead form lying on a frozen table with her sword shoved in his stomach.

Her knees wavered as she took a few steps towards him. If he wasn't covered by mass amounts of red, he easily could have been mistaken for sleeping. His eyelashes brushed his perfect cheekbones and his eyebrows were tugged down in his usual scowl. His hands clutched at his shirt where her blade stabbed into his chest. It was definitely her sword. The white ribbon streamed down over his body and was soaking up his blood.

Unconsciously, Rukia fell, her knees finally giving out. Sweat and blood dribbled down her face as she breathed heavily. Shira was truly cruel. She had forced her to relive something she had been pushing hard to forgive. First she had waved the haori in her face and now him. She was invoking her worst feelings.

Rukia looked away, unable to hold back a sob. The exhaustion was pulling down her hard walls. She could feel a rollercoaster racing through her. It was common on a battlefield. When extreme exhaustion hit, it destroy the control on the emotions. Rukia bitterly told herself to quit crying. There was no time for tears in a battle.

"What do you think he would say about you if he was still alive?" Hearing her voice several feet behind her, Rukia stiffened. She slowly peeked over her shoulder. Her double stood only a short yard away, staring, not at her, but Kaien's dead body. The woman's eyes were soft as they stared at him as if it had been her love, not her twin's. "Do you think he would still tuck you against his side? Treat you as his prodigy? Or do you rather not think about his disappointment?"

Regardless of her dangerous, unguarded position, Rukia did not move to face her. She had no urge to protect herself. There was only heavy acceptance. "Do you want Bankai to prove yourself to a dead man?"

Shaking her head, Rukia whispered, "It wouldn't bring him back."

Her face swiveled back to his body. Her heart skipped when she saw he had been replaced by another. The bodies were similar (even their scowls), but his bright orange hair could never be overlooked. Her heart ached to see his body limp.

"What about him? Do you want Bankai to prove yourself to him? To keep him alive?"

"He can keep himself alive better than I ever could," Rukia grumbled softly. "It's always me he's protecting."

"Do you want to be able to protect yourself? So he won't have to get himself hurt in your place?"

"No, I…"

"There has to be a reason. You have to give me a reason."

"What if there's no reason?" Rukia growled. There was a spurt of heated fury, extinguishing the reluctance. She pushed unsteadily to her feet. The tip of her sword scrapped across the floor as she turned. "What if I did it to do it?"

They stared at one another, swords down. The white haori caught the cold breeze, fluttering wildly behind the captain. "We both know that's another lie."

Rukia's eyes dropped. Yes, she knew. She could feel it.

"You were driven here," her twin continued. "You left him behind, knowing you would miss him. You also knew he would come after you."

"It's not his place," Rukia replied sharply. "He needs to worry about his studies and let me be."

Her double's tone softened. "Where is his place?"

For some reason, Rukia couldn't meet her eyes. Fury had dipped to cold unwillingness. "I'm n-not sure."

"Not beside you?"

Rukia's heart squeezed. She glanced back at his dead figure, her emotions crashing down hard. She had trouble breathing. "Is this place made to reflect the inner emotions of an individual, Shira? To pull out the most hidden feelings and lay them bare?"

Wearily, she flung down her sword. The blade clattered across the ground, stopping at the other woman's feet. The ribbon had tangled around the blade in a less than beautiful display. The captain studied her, waiting.

"I quit," Rukia whispered. "I can't…"

Tears streamed down dry blood. She wiped them away, feeling foolish for their presence. "I can't do what you ask. I'm not strong enough to face this."

"I can't believe how weak we are." Rukia was surprised to see another Rukia standing in front of her. This one was wearing tattered, dirty clothes. Her hair was a tangled mess pulled back in a ponytail. On one side of her face, a dozen scars raked down her cheek. "You lie there whimpering. Get up! Stop acting like s—!"

Rukia was taken aback by the woman's crudeness.

"Is it really so bad? You're life I mean? Taken in by nobility, rescued by a knight in shining armor, favored by a dozen officers. Cry me an f— river." She pointed her sword directly at Rukia's throat. The sword didn't shine white like the captain's had. Instead, it remained dull steel. Rukia's eyes narrowed on it, confused by the difference. "Would you f— do something besides crying?"

For a moment, she was unsure what to do. The change in her opponent had left her awestruck. What was Shira telling her? What was she trying to do?

Rukia rushed her, knocking her sword with the palm of her hand. She reached for the girl's throat, but her double nimbly jumped out of reach. The girl eagerly watched her, "That's it! Come on!"

Retrieving her sword, Rukia launched a barrage of swings and thrusts. Her double parried them with ease, laughing. Rukia gritted her teeth and double her efforts, but never got a hit. The other girl spun out and landed a few feet away. She leveled her violet eyes along the length of her blade. "Don't hold out on me! Come at me with everything!"

Frustrated, Rukia finally used her first release. She spun her wrist, making the delicate white ribbon form a perfect circle. "White Moon!"

The white flashed, followed by the rigid cold. Rukia's eyes slid close by their own accord. Behind her eyelids, she saw a world of dancing lines, the feeling of rolling currents. Her feet were tempted to follow the rhythmic pattern. Her breathing raced with her blood. There was something alive within her attack. It tugged at her.

She awoke from the pulsing life and returned to her fight. She saw her double rolling to the side, barely escaping her attack. Rukia hurried to her next release. Her blade surged to the ground. "White Ripple!"

Her twin gasped and scrambled to escape the torpedo of icy pearl. Rukia, again, sensed the pulsing life within the attack. The attack was a missile following a single line, but she could see the rolling power building within it. There was still a powerful spinning of lines. Then, it crashed directly into her opponent.

Gradually, the power faded and Rukia stood panting, waiting for the white to recede and reveal her efforts. Her shoulders drooped with relief. Her twin was encased in a boulder of ice. Rukia limped forward, using her blade for support. She silently stared at her double beneath the thick layer, studying how frightened she looked inside. Rukia didn't feel any joy in seeing her terror. After all, that was her face encased.

_"Do you understand yet? Do you know why you want Bankai?"_

Rukia swept her palm across the cold surface. Her eyes continued to stare at her double. "What am I staring at, Shira? Is that supposed to be the person who never went into the academy? Are you showing me the parallels of my life?"

_"In a way. You keep wondering about the choices you have made. I keep giving you answers."_

"How does this help me answer your question?"

_"Perhaps, it doesn't. But it definitely stirs things up."_

Rukia laughed hoarsely, "I guess it does."

She glanced back at her double before turning back towards Ichigio. She stared at his profile, enjoying the rugged contours of his face. She missed him. "I didn't come here for him. At first, I thought I did."

_"Yes. You thought about him when you traveled here. You told yourself getting Bankai would secure a place beside him."_

"I was worried he would become so strong he would forget me. He would be moved up in ranks. He already has a fan club following him. He makes me think of Kaien and his wife, how I wasn't dignified enough for Kaien. Now, I wonder if I'm good enough for him."

_"Perhaps…"_

"But that's not it," Rukia replied, pressing a hand to her heart. "I…"

_"You wanted to know where your heart belonged."_

Rukia leisurely twisted towards the petite child, a smile adorning her weary face. She gave a small sigh, "It was never about the answer. It was about me."

Sode no Shirayuki walked up to her. The ribbons flowed majestically behind her. "As you know, the test is always different for each soul. The strategy is determined by the truth of the person, not by their life. Consider for an instant that you have never understood your place. Usually, a soul is defined by their previous life on earth. They have influenced morals, wants, habits, but for you there was no influence. You're life on earth was too short to matter. You died as a child and entered the afterlife as an innocent.

"As it very rarely happens, you grew into a pure person, but you have drifted constantly in solemn stupor. You did not understand your place. You barely could grasp they idea that you were already dead and living a second life. Kaien tried to teach you how to find your place, but even then, you didn't know what drove you. You followed regulations and the way of the society, unable to think beyond their will. What were living for? What were you working towards? For a time, you thought it was Kaien. Your love for him gave meaning, but once you killed him, guilt replaced love.

"You were swallowed by shame and guilt until you met Ichigio. It was him who changed everything. He always said you changed his life, but in truth, you both changed the other's life. That night the hollow attacked his house, you were forced to make a split decision. You went against your better judgment and all of the Society and allowed a mortal to borrow your powers. You ignored regulations and decided to do what was right in your eyes. It was that moment your heart became your own. That was when you began living."

Rukia sensed a swelling within her chest. She gasped loudly, her hands trembling. Shira watched her master's eyes widening, glowing. "Rukia, do you understand now? You came for Bankai to remember how to live. You wanted to remember who you already are."

"Y-Yes…" Rukia gasped. She could feel it now. She could feel her heart beating, screaming.

Immediately, Rukia released a cry and light shrouded both her and her Zanpakuto. Her insides were bursting with fire and ice. Shira smiled through her tears and whispered, "Congratulations, Rukia."


End file.
